There are some mornings (okay, most of them) where I wake up and the first thing I think of is whatever is stressing me out the most. I’ll wonder, Are this month’s business numbers shaping up? How are my daughters still asleep? Are they okay? Is X person frustrated that I haven’t gotten back to them yet? How am I going to finish X project on time? Why does my body feel so heavy right now? Are my clients okay? What is today’s plan for social media? For email? For content planning?
… and on it goes. Until it doesn’t anymore.
I make a lot of effort in the morning to disrupt this thought pattern with a few helpful tools, like getting out of bed, meditating, drinking coffee on my front porch in nature, and not checking my phone for the first few hours of the day. And as simple as it sounds, this choice has never come naturally. No, the natural thing for me is still preoccupation. Worry. Ruminating. Anxious, nervous chasing.
Because all these questions just want to know the answer to one thing: How will I be enough today? How will I know I am loved?
Notice how none of my early-morning questions show much regard for my body. My well-being. Answering how and when I’ll make sure to get enough sleep, food, water, and human connection. When I’ll rest.
The average woman has a whole survival strategy built around pleasing enough people just to live another day.
Please men. Please clients. Please an audience. Please her kids. Please everyone but herself. And then when she feels neglected and abandoned after all that, she’ll hit up her favorite websites for some online shopping, come up with a plan for losing ten pounds, or maybe numb out through swiping, scrolling, drinking, or reaching out to that old flame from years ago who represents the last time she really felt wanted.
I want you to imagine a time in your life when your first instinct wasn’t to be better; it wasn’t to figure yourself out. It wasn’t to please anyone. Think of a time in your life when what you trusted most was that you were a delight just for being you; that your rest was the greatest gift of your being; and that your own top priority simply needed to be your own nourishment.
Can’t remember? There was a time in my life when I couldn’t either. And that reality added up to a lot of chasing. A lot of pleasing. A lot of dating dead-ends, frustrating limits in my career, a body I blamed for nearly everything, and crushing loneliness in my marriage.
The truth is, I wanted to feel radiant. I wanted that radiance to draw more love into my life. I wanted to feel and know deep love no matter what I did, or if I’d earned it, or whether or not anyone liked me at the end of the day. I wanted deep security. I wanted him to show up at my house standing in the pouring rain and say that he chose me. I wanted a freaking break from the hustle.
When the exhaustion of pleasing had hit me the hardest, a couple of truths emerged from the feminine in me:
You are flawless as you are. You don’t have to work on yourself anymore.
You have permission to receive. You deserve deep care without ever earning it first.
Five years ago when these truths first emerged in me, I trusted them like you trust a benevolent stranger who you don’t know but who is your only option in a moment where you need support. I let my inner truth support me and to be honest, I’ve never looked back since then.
These truths were the gateway to my art. To my sacred sexuality. To my appreciation of myself as a woman. To total permission. To care. To radical self honesty. To acceptance. To a future filled with hope. To friendship with my pain. Those things allowed me to create a career I love, follow through with divorce in a conscious, partnered way with my then-husband, feel confident in dating and singleness, and gather women around me who want the same support that I do and are willing to be honest about it.
I fumbled around at first in my effort to allow these truths to lead me, but they came down to 8 essential pillars of self love that, when strong, allow me to stop chasing and start receiving. To stop improving myself and start accepting myself. I built all of these pillars into the Flawless & Feminine Digital Course, the course I wish I’d had at 15, and then again in my twenties, the wisdom of which I still practice today.
For a limited time, I’m offering this course with some incredible bonuses: If you’re dating and using apps at all, you’ll receive a bonus workshop all about how to navigate things in a way that feels delicious and dreamy. You’ll also receive two bonus visualizations: Releasing Shame and Soothing Anxious/Avoidant Attachment.
I’ve also scheduled two live Q&A calls so that I can coach you through whatever is coming up as you move through the course.
Does this sound like something that you would benefit from? Check out the rest of the course details here.